I wanted to explore body shaming, it’s a tough topic to talk about and a tougher one to write about.  And I think it is something we are all guilty of at one point or another.

Part of the reason I want to bring the topic up and discuss it, is because I have been body shamed my whole life no matter what size I have been, and I am sure you have at some point or another too.  I was especially body shamed throughout my pregnancy and at least two people were medical professionals! Shame on them

To start that story, you have to know I had gestational diabetes, cause could have been a number of factors including genetics, but I had one doctor assume that I was diabetic before there was no way I couldn’t be, and one doctor told me it was all my fault if I needed a C-Section because I caused my diabetes. They did not look at my chart, my history or my family history, they just assumed based on other factors and basically shamed me for being diabetic based on size.

But here is a fun fact- do you know most athletes actually are overweight or obese according to the BMI index? Muscle mass can send athletes into the obese range, even though they’re healthy and physically fit. And those two doctors made assumptions based on the BMI Index not reading that I was never diabetic and that I work out 6 days a week (which I kept up throughout pregnancy) and honestly, I don’t think they knew all the factors in what causes gestational diabetes.  They probably should study more on it if they are going to continue practicing obstetrics, shaming a pregnant woman isn’t right.  And that goes for anyone who does it.

There are several more examples of body shaming and I could give you some personal ones too, but I am going to do my best to stick to the facts.  Some examples are – self-criticism and this is one I think we ALL are guilty of; I am really guilty of this now as I try to get back into shape and feel better, a lot of people really messed with my self-esteem when I was pregnant.  But the best example of this is when you look at yourself in the mirror and think, “I look like a fat cow in this outfit” or make that comment about someone else.

Then there is the backhanded compliment, basically “You look great, have you been working out?” or someone tells you, “I hope I look like you when I’m your age”. Although this sounds like a flattering or reassuring statement it has a critical undertone related to physical appearance.  The person making the comment is clearly envious with their undertone.  I’ve been a victim of this one and I honestly didn’t realize I also did this one, and for those who were my victim, I apologize not knowing I was doing it until it was done to me nonstop.

So, why does it happen, why does someone feel a need to do this? Our sense of self and body-image is typically influenced by many factors like family, friends, peers, culture, social media, celebrities, and advertisements. Unfortunately, we live in a society that is highly focused on physical appearance and how we “ought” to look and that we need to fit a certain “mold.”   And in some cases, some firmly believe that they are doing nothing wrong because they are trying to make you “fit that mold.”  But none of this is okay.

There are serious consequences to every action when it comes to body shaming because you do not know what the other person is going to do –

• Distorted perception about one’s body causes self-doubt, low self-esteem and a desire to isolate.
• Developing an eating disorder like anorexia or bulimia 
• Mental health disorders such as depression, anxiety and/or body dysmorphia
• Propensity for self-harming and/or suicidal behaviors
• Psychological and emotional distress- feeling embarrassed, worthless, guilty, angry etc.
• Overall discontentment with physical appearance and dissatisfaction with life.
• Extreme concern with body image that’s exhibited in unhealthy behaviors such as following strict diets, rigid exercise plans, numerous cosmetic procedures etc. in efforts to change or “enhance” appearance.
• Dangerous health outcomes (including death) because of body-image fixation from malnourishment.

There are ways however to move forward and overcome your own shame or those who shame you. In my case, I did my best to listen to those around me that truly care, like my parents and husband, use them as an area to vent too when I could (without trying to drive them nuts).  I hired a personal trainer not only to get me back into shape post-partum, but to help me get my confidence back.  As I am still working through some of the issues I have, my trainer has done tremendous work into getting me to feel good about myself and push past some of the trauma I received from the shaming.  And more importantly, I look at my child, now 6 months old knowing that they are going to be growing up in a world that this is the norm and if I can’t figure out myself, I will never be able to coach them to be a strong independent person to not be pulled down by this norm in society. My child gives me the strength I need to not mentally be taken over by this.

My ways won’t work for everyone, so here are some ways to help overcome it

1. This is easier said than done, but reframe from your negative self-talk, do your best to keep yourself positive. Ignore those around you and focus on yourself
2. Try to look beyond your body, meaning look at the positive, are you funny? Are you smart? What makes you, well you?  Cause you are more than just your body, find your strengths and use them.
3. Self-care, eat better to make yourself feel better, tend to yourself more, take that bubble bath you haven’t taken in ages and shut your brain off, do some journaling, go out with friends and so on.  But take care of yourself and no one else.
4. Surround yourself with accepting people, I have limited to no contact with those who body shamed me while I was pregnant. I keep my distance from them in life as I don’t need that negativity around me. I surround myself with people who help me and accept me as me.
5. Educate yourself- learn about body shaming like this article, and what it can do to others. Learn that you are not alone and what you can do to move forward.

And there are plenty of other ways to move forward through the process of body shaming, and in some cases, talking to a third-party outsider like a therapist is best.  THERE IS NO SHAME IN ASKING FOR HELP IN ANY SITUATION AND IN ANY CASE, and if someone is trying to prevent you from doing that or shame you for asking for help, then that’s a different topic i.e. bullying. And you do not have to stand to be around that person. Take care of yourself a